Count von Count, November 13, 1972 (Los Angeles, Calif.) -
VP candidate for Independent (1996)
Running mate with nominee: Bert (b. 1969)
Popular vote: 0 (0.00%)
Electoral vote: 0/538
The campaign:
The Newz was a televised comedy show that ran from 1994-1995. It was unusual in that it broadcast five 30-minute shows every week.
There were at least two skits still available for viewing on Youtube using the Sesame Street characters. How they were able to do this using the real names of Bert, Ernie, The Count, etc. without being sued is a mystery but there it is.
Here is a transcript of a skit where Bert (Tommy Blaze) is running for President. His running-mate is The Count (Mystro Clark):
[The set is a campaign office with "Bert for President" posters adorning the walls. Bert is on the phone]
Bert: Look, you tell that damn Packwood that if I don't get his support I'm going to have Mike Wallace and Kermit the Frog on him. [hangs up phone]
Campaign worker: [enters] Here are your latest polls, sir.
Bert: Good, good. [can't really flip pages with his oversized hands]
Campaign worker: Uh, there's this person outside waiting for you and he says his name is Ernie.
Bert: [Looks shocked and shifty-eyed] Uhhh, I don't know any Ernies. Get rid of him.
Campaign worker: He told me to mention the letter Y and the number 6.
Bert: Oh, that Ernie. Send him in and give us a little privacy. [sighs]
[Campaign worker exits ; Ernie enters. Suspense music accompanies entry]
Ernie: Hello Bert. Long time no see.
Bert: Ernie.
Ernie: Looks like you've really done well. It's a long way from Sesame Street to Pennsylvania Avenue, Bert.
Bert: I can't complain. How have you been?
Ernie: Well, things haven't worked out as well quite as I planned. I guess you heard about Ernie and Cher: The Road Show. Didn't draw any crowds, Bert. So I've been down on my luck and it's been downhill ever since.
Bert: What are you doing here, Ernie? Do you need some money?
Ernie: Oh I don't want any money, Bert.
Bert: Then what is it that you do want?
Ernie: I want it to be like the old days, Bert. Bert and Ernie, together again. I want to be your running-mate.
Bert: Forget it, Ernie. It's not going to happen.
Ernie: Well why not? We're great together.
Bert: I carried you Ernie. You know it and I know it.
Ernie: You're crazy, Bert.
Bert: I got sick and tired of finding you naked, lying on the bathroom floor strung out on cookies. I won't go through that again.
Ernie: C'mon Bert, I could do this job.
Bert: I said no, Ernie. Besides, I already have a running-mate. A good one.
[The Count enters]
Count: [counts everyone in the room] One, two, three. [laughs] Bah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Ernie: The Count?!
Bert: He's a genius with numbers.
Ernie: Well maybe I could be your foreign policy advisor?
Bert: Ernie, I already have one. [hits a buzzer] Send in my foreign policy advisor.
[Big Bird enters]
Big Bird: You wanted to see me sir?
Count: [counts everyone in the room] One, two, three, four [laughs] Bah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Bert: [At this point Tommy Blaze is having difficulty keeping a straight face] What's the latest on our foreign policy platform?
Big Bird: It's a whole big world out there.
Bert: You see, Ernie? I've got a crackerjack team. Thanks guys [Big Bird and the Count exit]. Look Ernie, I've got no place for ya.
Ernie: Well, I think you better find one, Bert. Or else. [produces a handful of photographs]
Bert: Or else what?
Ernie: Or else this, Bert. Look, pictures of you selling secrets to the Electric Company. A lot of people would pay a lot of money to get their hands on those [followed with Ernie's classic laugh]
Bert: OK Ernie you win. It's Bert and Ernie in '96. Just like the old days.
Ernie: Thanks Bert. You won't regret it. You can keep those. I have the negatives [followed with Ernie's classic laugh] Bye Bert. Wait til I tell Snuffleupagus [classic laugh and then exits]
Bert: [hits buzzer] Count. Get in here.
[Count enters]
Count: One, [looks around, points at self] two [laughs] Bah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Bert: Alright, knock it off already. Listen, get a hold of Oscar. Tell him I've got a job for him. Tell him I've got some TRASH that needs to be taken out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0By7AMcc2uM
Election history: none.
Other occupations: vampire
Buried: lives in a coffin
Notes:
Mystro Clark was born in 1966 and was too young to serve as Vice-President in 1992. The character of Count von Count was only 20 years old in 1992, and, minor point, was also a puppet. Of course, some might argue that being a puppet hasn't prevented others from being elected for public office. If Ernie had actually survived and become the VP, some would argue that being an orange puppet hasn't prevented others from being elected to the White House.
