VP candidate for Hamster Party (2012)
Running mate with nominee: Diddley Squat VI (2012-2014?)
Popular vote: ? (0.00%)
Electoral vote: 0/538
The campaign:
The Hamster Party has nominated hamsters for President since 1996. Unlike previous campaigns, this one included videos comparing superior hamster leadership to that of humans.
The running-mates were actually brothers. The fact these two nominees were brothers was not unusual in Electoral politics, even in the Hamster Party. Other brother tickets have included: Larry Brant Sargeant/Perry David Sargeant - American Freedom Party (1976), Lowell Jackson Fellure/James Monroe Fellure - Independent (2000), Diddley Squat V and Bupkes - Hamster Party (2004), Keith Russell Judd/Monty Wayne Judd - Nonpartisan (2008), Randal Gene Trackwell/Byron Lee Trackwell - Bullmoose Progressive Party (2008), Theodore and Wallace Cleaver - Give America the Business Party (2008).
A press release included the following--
Asked by a reporter after the event if Diddley and Squit planned to release their incomes taxes, Squit said they did not. "We would gladly turn over every single filing, along with all correspondence with accountants and everyone else involved," he answered. "We believe in being open and honest with people. But the problem is that we're just five months old and neither of us has ever had an income."
... The hamsters also said that if elected they will not charge taxpayers the salaries and benefits usually given to the President and Vice President. "We aren't going to do very much, so we'll settle for clean, soft bedding, fresh water every day, and good stuff to eat," said Presidential candidate Diddley.
The 2012 election had a much more involved narrative than the previous efforts by the Hamster Party, but in the end they were still defeated at the polls.
After the election the campaign webpage went on to claim the Squat brothers were appointed as "co-President and co-Vice President." And, they were alleged to be present in the Inaugural Parade--
Despite the chill in the air, Diddley and Squit were warm in their cages as the Secret Service carried them down Pennsylvania avenue on Inauguration Day. Both were given litter six inches deep and their cages were equipped with little warmers for the occasion. Still, both chose to bury themselves under their bedding for the walk from the Capitol to the White House. "They're hamsters," explained the agent shown carrying Diddley. "Did you expect them to get out and wave their paws at the crowd?"
It's not that their presence wasn't noticed, of course. Many of the million-plus people who lined the streets were aware of the historic co-presidency agreement, even if the major media chose to ignore it. And all down the route you could hear the voices of young people shrieking the hamsters' names. Most were surprised that the hamsters actually were carried on the route.
Squit was there, too, of course, being a few steps behind Joe and Jill Biden.
The hamsters plan to stay only part-time in Washington, spending most of their days and nights at their home offices located at HFP headquarters in Colorado ...
And so the first hamster presidency begins under a cloud of secrecy. The hamsters will not sign bills or give press conferences or appear at most state functions. They are expected to be present for the State of the Union address in February, however. Watch it on television and see if you can spot them.
Putting aside the tiny detail that both candidates were hamsters, there are the two Constitutional problems: They were way below the required age of 35 and also they were residents of the same state. But if by some miracle they had attained the offices they sought, both of them certainly died before the term would have ended since hamsters have very unfair short life spans. More than likely that would have meant Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner would have ascended to the Presidency 2014 or so until Inauguration Day 2017.
Election history: none
Other occupations: hamster
Buried: ?
Notes:
No words.
