Yarash Junior, March 24, 2000 (Maryland) - January 20, 2002 (Maryland)
VP candidate for Hamster Party (2000)
Running mate with nominee: Diddley Squat IV (2000-2002)
Popular vote: ? (0.00%)
Electoral vote: 0/538
The campaign:
In 1996, with low fanfare and apparently minus a running-mate, a hamster in Maryland by the name of Mr. Ganja ran for President of the United States. His campaign for 2000 was brought to an end by his death at age 2 1/2 in 1998. The Hamster Party quickly replaced him with Ms. Ganjette and her running-mate, Scratch. But to compound the complications both of them died in the first half of 2000.
Before the demise of Ms. Ganjette the following ad appeared on her website:
VOTE FOR MS. GANJETTE:
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION OF NOVEMBER 2000
Human beings have made a mess of politics. They get all tangled up overseas, spending hundreds of billions of dollars every year interfering in the politics and private lives of people they do not even know. They bring violence to every corner of the world and they sow corruption in all places they spend their ill-gotten money. They have become insensitive and gross, and are obsessed with laws that turn working people against one another and make life just one big, complicated mess for everybody.
Given the fact that things could not possibly be worse, we urge you to VOTE HAMSTER in the presidential election of the year 2000. If Ms. Ganjette is not on your ballot, either in the party-of-your-choice primary or in the general election, you should write in her name. Why a hamster? Well, we can give you at least ten good reasons:
Hamsters don't do 'phone sex'
Hamsters are for peace
Hamsters will not waste money on stupid stuff
Hamsters will not interfere with your life
Hamsters will never lie to you
Hamsters won't use courts to persecute their adversaries
Hamsters will cut your taxes down to dimes and pennies
Hamsters are not arrogant, authoritarian, power-hungry idiots
Hamsters do not defend the interests of a cannibalistic ruling class
Hamsters stand for orderly anarchy
The final replacement team consisted of Diddley Squat IV for President and Yarash Junior for VP. Yes, we are talking about hamsters here, but they certainly were the cutest looking political ticket in 2000. Good thing they did not get on a debate stage with Morris the Cat.
A very authentic-looking photo found on the Yarash the Magnificent webpage suggests he had a career as a Presidential advisor in Clinton's second term.
The Hamster Party has run candidates for the White House in every subsequent Presidential election to the present. Since hamsters have such short lifespans, it is highly unlikely any elected ticket with these creatures would ever survive a four-year term.
Putting aside the tiny detail that both candidates were hamsters, there are the two Constitutional problems: They were way below the required age of 35 and also they were residents of the same state. But if by some miracle they had attained the offices they sought, both of them died within a few months of each other, first the VP and then the President. Even though some might say the US Senate is already occupied by fellow rodents (rats) it seems unlikely they would have confirmed a hamster as an appointed replacement, which would have elevated later-to-be imprisoned sex offender, financial criminal and all around felon Republican Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert to the Presidency after the death of President of the United States Diddley Squat IV. Now there's an alternative history story for you where the moral of the tale is that a hamster as President might not be so bad after all!
Election history: none
Other occupations: hamster, Presidential advisor
Buried: ?
Notes:
Diddley Squat IV died June 18, 2002.
