Cheez-It, 1921 (Dayton, Ohio) -
VP candidate for Independent (aka Republican) (2016)
Running mate with nominee: Tronald Dump (b. 2015)
Popular vote: ? (0.00%)
Electoral vote: 0/538
The campaign:
A Tronald Dump filed with the FEC as a Republican for President on Sept. 9, 2015 under the auspices of the Tronald Dump for Dictator committee. As it turns out, the popularity of the play on Trump's name was widespread and even became slang for a fetish sexual practice involving human waste. Also, it closely parallels the original Trump surname a few generations earlier-- Drumpf.
A small army of Facebook accounts under the name Tronald Dump suddenly sprang up around 2015. One of them ran something of a Presidential campaign for 2016, and supplied a Vice-Presidential candidate as well in the form of Cheez It, a tasty snack cracker that was the same hue as Trump's garish orangish makeup powder.
June 15, 2015
After a long, thoughtful 5 seconds, The Tronald has decided on my Vice Presidential running mate. I would like to take this opportunity to welcome Cheezits to The Tronald's ticket.
Jan. 14, 2016
Ayyo, who's ready to take a big, healthy DUMP with me during this next GOP debate!? Here we GOOOOOO! MAKE AMERICA GRATE CHEEZ AGAIN!
Jan. 21, 2016
Sarah Palin a fool if she thinks she's gonna replace Cheez-It as my VP pick. Come on. Who would America rather have a heartbeat away from the Presidency: PALIN OR CHEEZIT? The choice is OBVIOUS.
Feb. 23, 2016
Together, Cheez-It and Tronald Dump are gonna make BERNIE FEEL THE BURN! Go Rock out with your Cuacus out in Nevada today!!!
Mar. 17, 2016
Oh hell no! Anonymous has given the world access to my Social Security number, 31045581134209 which is CHEEZIT backwards and upsidedown on a calculator. Don't believe me? Try it.
Aug. 26, 2016
Should I switch running mates? Cheezits would help make America GRATE again but Dead Harambe may be a better choice.
In spite of those second thoughts expressed by the Dump campaign, I found no evidence that Dead Harambe officially replaced Cheez It as the VP nominee.
Election history: none
Other occupations: snack food
Notes:
Although the company that produces Cheez It has changed hands several times, the cracker celebrates it's centennial year in 2021!
